Helen Keller's Fingers

Q: Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers?
A: From whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear.

No Arms or Legs

A guy was walking along the beach admiring the beautiful sunset when he noticed a young lady laying in the sand, she had no arms and no legs and was crying. He goes over and asked what was wrong. She said, "I am 21 years old, I have no legs and no arms and I have never been kissed." So, he bends down and kisses her and she stops crying. He gets up to walk away and she starts to cry again. Again, he asks her what is wrong. She says, "I am 21 years old, I have no arms and no legs and I have never been screwed." So, he goes over to her, picks her up and throws her in the water, and says - "there, now you're screwed!"

Can't See

Patient to optometrist: I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?
Optometrist to patient: Don't worry, you won't be able to see the difference.