As Long As A Cat's Tail

Two men are in a bar are boasting about their prowess and one of them says, "My cock is longer than that cat's tail." A bet is made, the bartender supplies a ruler, and the cat is roused and measured. When the bartender begins the second measurement, the stud says, "Just a moment! Where did you measure that cat's tail from?" "From the asshole." says the bartender. "Well, kindly do me the same favor."

Stumpy Legged Pink Dog

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash. The barman says, “Geez that's a weird dog: he's stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn't have a tail. I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.” 50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces. Another drinker says his pit bull will win but the bet is 100 bucks. Another trip to the yard and when it's all over there are bits of pit-bull terrier all over the place. The drinker pays up and says, “Say what breed is that anyway?” The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”

Make A Horse Cry.

A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him, he sees a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5. So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar and sees the horse and the jar, this time it says: You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10. So he puts in 10 dollars, takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. The guy takes the jar again, but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him!"